Inland Sea

[billy]

Soft orchid mouths
drip moonlight gossamer,
sad nets of coercive balladry i'm taking this as a literal image of spider silk and orchids, the coercive being the webs power to make the prey stay/stick, sad because they lead to death (all presumption on my part of course) i really like the power and softness of the image

and I cannot sleep.

Gritty teeth
abstain
from knitting and pearling
the brokenness together,
while brillo tongues
risk setting fire
to the unpatterned quilt
of arterial wild - i like the extended metaphor you have in this stanza. not too keen on arterial wild, (hot blood/quick heartbeat)

and twisting in the wind
I cannot sleep. i like the way this has grown

In shameless ink
your eyes
are the mourning sun,
untouchable
within stingy whispers
and jealous borders, this stanza reads really well but i'm struggling to comprehend maybe it's the stingy whispers line that screwing with me

and in the weight of your shadow love this line
I cannot sleep. it gets better

Wide awake
I am nimbly afflicted, would nimble afflicted or nimbly affected work better?
a childs hunger pain child's
in august epitaph, feels forced would an work better than in?

envious

of idle beauty
of turquoise and roses
of lies
become honeyed addictions. become doesn't work that well

And without your double sky
I cannot sleep. great ending

it is a thing of beauty in need of a small edit. i really enjoyed the read, whether or not i got it doesn't really matter, i shall read it more and grow into it. it's that kind of poem

thanks for the read.