06-15-2012, 05:53 AM
I think the first 4 lines are pretty good. Coercive balladry is clear to me. I like the repetitions of "I cannot sleep". Unfortunately, I make little sense of the rest and the images,the language, aren't striking enough to compensate that.
This bit I struggle particularly with
Wide awake
I am nimbly afflicted,
a childs hunger pain
in august epitaph,
I keep thinking you must mean "numbly afflicted" though that makes only slightly more sense.
This bit I struggle particularly with
Wide awake
I am nimbly afflicted,
a childs hunger pain
in august epitaph,
I keep thinking you must mean "numbly afflicted" though that makes only slightly more sense.
Before criticising a person, try walking a mile in their shoes. Then when you do criticise them, you're a mile away.....and you have their shoes.