Color Fades

[billy]

great attitude dale. am giving it another read in a min for the purpose of feedback. (foolishly i read some comments first including your own); i'm extremely impressed.

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I can love them, brown, blond, or red, lines keep reminding me of songs, this one reminds me of lou bega's mambo No 5
it matters not what color hair they have on their head,
though I’d prefer not gray to shoulder's fall, feels forced, could bethough I’d prefer no gray on shoulder's fall without screwing the rhyme up (just an idea.
(but then gray is better than none at all). i agree
Gray is like a well-worn shoe,
stimulating not as it once did do,
when pigment there still heavily laid,
‘fore such color as it was did fade.
Thus the tower too did slump,
ardor drawn down into the dumps.
Better the color of a lake,
never mind that it is fake,
for as vigor starts to fade away,
it’ll not be revived by such as gray!

Now this may sound sexist, I admit that is true,
but before you complain, tell me, who is talking to who?

©2012 –Erthona

i don't see any probs with sexist poems :d most are, one way or another
i see a lot of yoda speak in this one and as others have mentioned the meter's shot to shit. i'm pretty sure it wouldn't take too much to sort out.

not sure the the rhetorical question at the end works that well.

thanks for the read