06-10-2012, 06:11 PM
Hey Fay Ray,
I don't know, an obviously sympathetic look at a crack addict will have trouble getting traction with most people. It's hard to swallow seeing him as a total victim of the drug, especially when people know the damage that addiction causes others besides the addict.
for he is the urban ghost, He is the only one? Or are you trying to generalize him as the epitome of "the urban ghost"?
Besides a tendency for wordiness throughout, I don't find much too terribly wrong with your execution, and what there is everyone else has chewed over pretty well. I just think this is a hard sell, glossing over certain realities of addiction. I think to do so sets the poem up to be perceived as naive.
Dale
I don't know, an obviously sympathetic look at a crack addict will have trouble getting traction with most people. It's hard to swallow seeing him as a total victim of the drug, especially when people know the damage that addiction causes others besides the addict.
for he is the urban ghost, He is the only one? Or are you trying to generalize him as the epitome of "the urban ghost"?
Besides a tendency for wordiness throughout, I don't find much too terribly wrong with your execution, and what there is everyone else has chewed over pretty well. I just think this is a hard sell, glossing over certain realities of addiction. I think to do so sets the poem up to be perceived as naive.
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.