Rockstar

[addy]

Thanks guys! Really appreciate the comments.

@Addy

I understand your point about P.O.V and if I come up with something better I will do. Any suggestions?
Your POV is fine, I was just commenting on that one single line. You are already looking at the man directly, POV-wise, so my thinking is you don't need to describe him through his reflection. Just a small nit on my part

And have you ever worked with homeless people? It's a wet world outside. Damp clothes. Especially as I live in the UK, which is a wet, cold country.
I keep forgetting things are very different around here. I live in a hot country, so homeless people exposed to the elements on a regular day are often dusty/grimy rather than wet. My reading was affected by my own context


Thanks for pointing out cadence change, I thought something was up in that line. I'll try and get on it. I'm not great at editting my own poetry if it's a new write! Old writes I find easy. Suggestions are therefore loved.

I know it's old english syntax, but it is in my writing. I'll be honest, as I say to everyone who points it out, I don't do it on purpose, it's just because I'm odd. It's like I'm sometimes possessed by an old writer! If it's really that disruptive, I'll try harder to moniter myself to prevent it from happening, but I've always thought it was just a bit quirky/eccentric and essentially harmless. But then, my misperception is why I'm bringing my poetry here!

It wouldn't stick out much for me if the syntax was used consistently, but it isn't. It comes and goes throughout the poem, so the lingual style changes throughout the poem for no discernible reason. If its a lingual quirk you really wish to keep, then just try to maintain that voice throughout


Ahh, I'm going to assume you've never smoked crack. Well, me neither, but pretty damn close, you know. By spirit flies, I'm actually referring to the hit from a crack pipe. It is meant to sound optimistic though, because I'm trying to express to you how it feels to be high like that. Real escapism. Thus the "lies".

You're right, I never smoked crack . But I have consumed enough pop culture to know about drug highs, so I understood your reference perfectly. So I knew what you were saying, just that I was trying to discern why you were saying it... what is the intent, by ending on that note? If the line is supposed make the reader appreciate the man's addiction as a strange form of nirvana (spirit flies), where for him it is a freedom and not a curse, is it supposed to be a feel-good ending? Or maybe it's bitterly ironic, given the somber tone of everything else that came ahead of that last line? Don't mind me, this is just my reader response .... I'm just telling you the message I got from the poem as a reader, just so you can gauge if that's really the reaction you wanted to elicit or if you meant an entirely different message altogether