The Flood

[penguin]

Is the question mark at the end deliberate? Doesn't read like a question to me. I quite like this. I did do a detailed crit of the 1st version some days back and then it mysteriously disappeared and I was too despondent to start again. Anyhow, the bits I really liked were the hollow handrail and lifeless palm, that's terrific, plus the water lowering like a bridge.

I don't understand "jaws opened weeks before".

I thought you ought to go for couplets throughout

ascending in files
from sculpted caves

waits for water to lower
like a bridge. See them,

through the pane
dotted with drops of rainfall, - thought this verse the weakest

blinds open as daylight
fumes into grey and into black?

---

Is the question mark at the end deliberate? Doesn't read like a question to me. I quite like this. I did do a detailed crit of the 1st version some days back and then it mysteriously disappeared and I was too despondent to start again. Anyhow, the bits I really liked were the hollow handrail and lifeless palm, that's terrific, plus the water lowering like a bridge.

I don't understand "jaws opened weeks before".

I thought you ought to go for couplets throughout

ascending in files
from sculpted caves

waits for water to lower
like a bridge. See them,

through the pane
dotted with drops of rainfall, - thought this verse the weakest

blinds open as daylight
fumes into grey and into black?