Chorus

[Philatone]

hey aish!

I broke off two of her fingers, ...interesting opening; I think it draws in the reader well. I question the importance of "her"; reading the rest of the poem, I didn't get a meaningful enough connection to keep it; it's a relationship that didn't strike me as developed or crucial. I'm probably just missing something though

the green lacy hands reaching,
reaching,
trembling
beckoning me inside,
to the faded shadows where time stands
and attempts to be still....I get the intention, but "attempts" strikes me as needing some force for your purpose. it almost reads to me as an afterthought.

Sticky saplings bed into my palm,..like the image
first outstretched,
then curled as a paw....again may just be me, but I felt this comparison could be spiced or be made even more exact. the "paw" threw me off; something that describes this interaction with your "palm" more could be interesting, while also having a closer relationship to "curling"

I wish to growl and unfurl my goddess......"unfurl my goddess" is wonderful. the "growl" was a little beyond me

to reach into the past
and chant holy words
beneath heaven's heavy quilt,
Raw and awakened in a newly formed world. ..this part itself has a raw energy to it, partly because it hides its origins. I'm trying to find what brings this about: the first act of destruction (the breaking off of fingers?)? the sudden connection to nature held in a hand?

Dusk rises like an apparition, ...fitting with the quilt and shadows of before
cools the air into suspended crystals
dancing just above my bottom lip
curved, in both inspiration and awe....is the comma in the right position? I'm seeing it more as before "curved" than after. nature is given a hypnotic effect of sorts

Loam reaches out,
surrounds my feet and ankles, beckoning....not sure how I feel about the repetition of "beckoning"
Come, be one and decay
beneath the wormy earth and rotting leaves.
Replenish the cycle.

One day, my loves......not sure if the ellipsis is necessary
one day I shall join you,
and sing the chorus of hosts. ..last two stanzas again bring in this sinister, even violent, relationship with nature. I like; it's strong and feels original to me.

a nice read. hope some of this may be helpful