06-05-2012, 02:47 PM
I quite like this one Aish... earthy and indulgent. At some points I was sighing. I have very little to comment.
"I wish to growl and unfurl my goddess"... it's a highlight of the piece, but for such a powerful line it pulls back for some reason, trying to be prim. That's just the impression I got. The "loam reaches out" line is nice, but with the saplings reaching maybe another descriptor is appropriate. I like the "dusk rises like an apparition" line, but overall that stanza had the least to add to your scenario.... though it is indeed very pretty.
"I wish to growl and unfurl my goddess"... it's a highlight of the piece, but for such a powerful line it pulls back for some reason, trying to be prim. That's just the impression I got. The "loam reaches out" line is nice, but with the saplings reaching maybe another descriptor is appropriate. I like the "dusk rises like an apparition" line, but overall that stanza had the least to add to your scenario.... though it is indeed very pretty.
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?