Unnatural Disaster

[billy]

we don't rip apart in the novice forum rachel
poetry rape is only allowed in serious crit

beware of big words like heart.
only use you , my our etc when really needed otherwise it ends up like prose.
i was once told not to use so many gerunds and then a war broke out as to what a gerund was, so i think it's wiser to say, don't use so many ing ending words. and finally ( ) if a line needs a comma, period, or any other grammar somewhere in the middle of it, use it. if you don't you make the reader go back to see if they missed something. if they didn't they'll as likely not leave the reading of it alone. if you want grammar free poetry use enjambment for pauses and remove any capped letters (caps are grammar too )
i've said enough considering we're in the novice section. hopefully some others will help out with other aspects if the see them.

thanks for the read.

Haha, funny how I just told someone the same thing about capital's...thanks for catching that...good tips about "you, I, our and ing" words...I will keep that in mind. I am not too sure where I would add punctuation...have an example for this piece?

clouded heat slowly rises, chars my broken limbs
Seeps through my pores, your scorching words turn cells to ash


The clouded heat slowly rises, charring my broken limbs
Seeping through my pores, your scorching words turn my cells to ash

while it can probably do without a comma the use of 1 can give effect to how the poem is read.

just remember people who give feedback are seldom guru's that must be followed most often it's just their opinion as to what works and what doesn't.