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Back to Black
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05-28-2012, 11:30 AM
Hmm... if you're unhappy with the last line, maybe you can try to tie it more to the beginning of the poem, where you alluded to death. i have to admit, compared to "liquid death", the descriptor "cold night air" sounds benign. You could perhaps give it more bite.
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?
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Back to Black - by Indie - 05-25-2012, 07:25 AM
RE: Back to Black - by Philatone - 05-25-2012, 07:59 AM
RE: Back to Black - by Indie - 05-25-2012, 08:13 AM
RE: Back to Black - by billy - 05-25-2012, 10:13 AM
RE: Back to Black - by Indie - 05-25-2012, 10:45 AM
RE: Back to Black - by billy - 05-25-2012, 10:57 AM
RE: Back to Black - by Indie - 05-25-2012, 11:19 AM
RE: Back to Black - by addy - 05-25-2012, 11:44 AM
RE: Back to Black - by Indie - 05-25-2012, 12:01 PM
RE: Back to Black - by Indie - 05-27-2012, 10:03 PM
RE: Back to Black - by addy - 05-28-2012, 11:30 AM
RE: Back to Black - by Indie - 05-28-2012, 01:00 PM
RE: Back to Black - by Indie - 05-29-2012, 01:25 PM
RE: Back to Black - by billy - 05-30-2012, 09:15 AM
RE: Back to Black - by Indie - 05-30-2012, 09:48 AM
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