Back to Black

[billy]

V:2
It’s a liquid death
These thoughts of you
Tobacco scents
And a whiskey’d song
To sing me home
Into the empty arms
Of an empty bed
are the two 'a's' needed? an empty bed feels too blasé, what about dead or bed deceased be or some other kind of bed that shows there's something wrong. the 1st line could even be;
Liquid death;
....

Where I dream of tears
Carving pictures in my skin would 'under' be better than 'in'?
My face a landscape 'my face' is a given
Of technicoloured memories
Fading to black
In my midnight reflection 'my' is a given
Like the kiss
Of a self-destructive
Self-fulfilling prophecy

Drowning languidly
In a whiskey’d song
Of lonely lies among the
Stagnant tobacco smoke
Dissipating in the cold night air

i think you could trim some the fat away, a 'the here, 3 'a' there.
drowning languid sounds more poetic but that's just me
i like the piece and the use of back to black as a metaphor for the death of a relationship and loneliness. the whisky'd hook worked for me. not too shoddy at all.

thanks for the read.
my name
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