Revelation

[addy]

...harsh effluence still sounds a sigh;
angels circle round the corners of my eyes;
Death’s shadow falls over me,
I know my own mortality,
and broken is the seal,
when a poem is real.


©2012 –Erthona

I really love the idea of it. At first I wasn't sold on the ellipsis at the beginning but I see how they work. Love L2, though some of your other lines are a little more cliche. I like the sense of the last line, but maybe there's a way to phrase it that'll sound stronger and more definitive.

I have no particular problem with "effluence" as it kind of fits well with the exhalation thing, but then again I'm no brit