Revelation

[billy]

...harsh effluence still sounds a sigh; it feels like effluent not sure if the 'still' works
angels circle round the corners of my eyes; great image of a smile
Death’s shadow falls over me,
I know my own mortality,
and broken is the seal,
when a poem is real.


©2012 –Erthona

i get a feel or different emotions apart from the last 2 lines. when i hear effluence i never think of it as just an outpouring, even though i know it is, so the line wasn't that good for me. obviously from the title you're knowing or realising something but what? the last line states it's a poem but i'm not sure that's enough. i read teckak's response and even if he hadn't of mentioned it, i would say it needs opening up and expanding on.

thanks for the read