05-22-2012, 09:52 AM
"and" in the second last line. IMO it's not needed.
Yeah, I played around with when, then, and, and the at the start of those last two lines. Never really could decide how it needed to be. It was on "and" when the wheel stopped, so I guess I just left it there. From a content standpoint it doesn't need the extra word, from a rhythmic standpoint I think it does, but not "and"!
Thanks for the feedback.
Dale
Yeah, I played around with when, then, and, and the at the start of those last two lines. Never really could decide how it needed to be. It was on "and" when the wheel stopped, so I guess I just left it there. From a content standpoint it doesn't need the extra word, from a rhythmic standpoint I think it does, but not "and"!
Thanks for the feedback.
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.