Loss

[Philatone]

hello indie! sorry i'm a bit late on this. at the risk of returning the discussion to the poem

There is an infestation of cockroaches breeding in my mind
Gestating a new generation of insanity among the layers of hurt
And erratic emotions that come with the baby dreams
Of what was lost as it grew and was loved in the warmth of a womb
That is now a tomb, an unwanted bleeding monument ..like the shift of a womb to a tomb and monument, though it was a bit direct
To the loss of life, of hope, of a chance at motherhood.

...haven't read other comments in detail yet, but the stanza strikes me as a bit wordy. breaking off some ideas into sentences and trimming where possible could work wonders (for instance, "insanity" could be dropped and just leaving "cockroaches" to become a metaphor for it. I think simplifying would work best)

A rifle cocked, a trigger pulled, a rush of blood and agony
Where are the boys? Where are my boys? What went wrong?
When will we go hunting my love, when will we find an answer?
To justify death, the hollow void within me that could not carry on
And so extinguished the light, plunging my world, our world into darkness.
...the questions did little for me, especially the last. the last part is not a complete sentence; I wasn't entirely sure what it wanted to say

My heart is empty though it beats its rhythmic pulse at my wrists
That I know my soul won’t bleed out of should I take to the sharps
And chase my boys into the long cold sleep of forever
For I’d rather be there than here, alive, without them to love.

the poem improves with each read, but it still feels hindered by the amount of words and abstractions at this point. i hope this helps