2012, a world report (some adult language and potentially disturbing imagery)

[billy]

(v2.0- new middle stanza and general improvements)

right this second-
bullets fly through a man
man and wife, man and man kiss, fuck
people ride an aeroplane above this i quite like the mundanity of it all in this stanza,

animals cuddled and eaten, corpses litter-
workers' rights graveyards and gun-games
Internet humours human debris this line feels like an odd man out
consumption just a (sexual) part of us

materials all colours arranged maybe a comma after materials would help the flow
paint ever-new designs and worlds...
with which a gathering fosters escape
safe from stark reality

not much a man is him apparently-
who stands alone dodging conflict
in, a big mix of fact and feeling, is 'in' needed?
tides turning and sweeping, things... cliche

right this second-
bullets fly through a man
man and wife, man and man kiss, fuck
people ride an aeroplane above this


(end)

I'm not sure I should capitalize.. is it that important?
I really like this poem. But I want to run this theme of contradiction through it strong and clear.

i think you should use caps where grammar dictates you use caps.
i think this is the best poem yet from you.
theres a problem in a couple of places with how you laid the line down.
but i think you have the making of a good poem here. i do like the 1st and last stanza and think they act as a shell for the rest of the piece.

thanks for the read.