05-13-2012, 03:31 PM
hey chaotic
I've gotten more from this than some of your other pieces; the images have a more solid base and a bit more depth to them I think, though personally I think even more could be helpful. Be sure to check your commas; some felt oddly placed (S.3 L2.).
The third stanza was the one I could get the most out of. If you're trying to emphasize contradiction, then I think this piece has a number of images that play to it. The capitalization as is works fine, to me anyways.
In all, I was satisfied reading this, but I wouldn't be against giving the reader more help in favor of being less cryptic
I've gotten more from this than some of your other pieces; the images have a more solid base and a bit more depth to them I think, though personally I think even more could be helpful. Be sure to check your commas; some felt oddly placed (S.3 L2.).
The third stanza was the one I could get the most out of. If you're trying to emphasize contradiction, then I think this piece has a number of images that play to it. The capitalization as is works fine, to me anyways.
In all, I was satisfied reading this, but I wouldn't be against giving the reader more help in favor of being less cryptic
Written only for you to consider.