05-12-2012, 08:44 PM
"I think you should remove all the commas"
Needs to keep the comma in last line after here, or substitute a colon.
For I’d rather be there than here: alive without them to love.
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Although a fun image, I'm not sure how cockroaches gestate "a new generation of insanity".
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The way the second stanza is written the rifle tends to get confused with the question of "When will we go hunting". It initially seems as though one has something to do with the other.
Needs to keep the comma in last line after here, or substitute a colon.
For I’d rather be there than here: alive without them to love.
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Although a fun image, I'm not sure how cockroaches gestate "a new generation of insanity".
-----------------------------------------------------------
The way the second stanza is written the rifle tends to get confused with the question of "When will we go hunting". It initially seems as though one has something to do with the other.
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.