05-12-2012, 01:55 AM
(05-11-2012, 05:16 PM)billy Wrote: Translucent green, it held no sparkle;this "it" is quite sometime wanting definition. What is it? Is this the title? You are cheating with this cliffhangerNot your best, billy, but sometimes that doesn't matter. I am happy to say I can think of no way you could improve this one......so that's all right then.
edges smooth from pounding waves.from or by?
It lay there on the ebb, a memory.What is this it, and should I care? Bugger, it's still lying there
Waiting for life, waiting, waiting. To dramatic for me ,billy, and possibly a little nonsensical. We shell sea
Along with empty razor shells.
A cuttlefish bone and lots of little ones;you have lost my interest here. "Little ones" is just too non-specific.
miniature ice cream cones, memories--
Waiting for life, waiting, waiting. over over-dramatic and double puzzling
Treasures washed in tide pools
where crabs no bigger than a finger nail
scurried like Spanish dancers. Memories;a tense shift has occured which is unnerving....but scurried like spanish dancers is cute.....I believe there is a spanish dance concerning a crab. Oh oh. Just googled. A spaish dancer is a sea-slug
Waiting for life, waiting, waiting.over over over-dramatic and triply puzzling
The keepsake kept, is still as dull
as when it lay upon the Southport sands
Now it's worn around my neck.
A memory--BUGGER....what the hell is it?
Best,

Tectak

