A Piece of Glass:
#4
(05-11-2012, 05:16 PM)billy Wrote:  Translucent green, it held no sparkle;this "it" is quite sometime wanting definition. What is it? Is this the title? You are cheating with this cliffhangerSmile
edges smooth from pounding waves.from or by?
It lay there on the ebb, a memory.What is this it, and should I care? Bugger, it's still lying there
Waiting for life, waiting, waiting. To dramatic for me ,billy, and possibly a little nonsensical. We shell seaSmile

Along with empty razor shells.
A cuttlefish bone and lots of little ones;you have lost my interest here. "Little ones" is just too non-specific.
miniature ice cream cones, memories--
Waiting for life, waiting, waiting. over over-dramatic and double puzzling

Treasures washed in tide pools
where crabs no bigger than a finger nail
scurried like Spanish dancers. Memories;a tense shift has occured which is unnerving....but scurried like spanish dancers is cute.....I believe there is a spanish dance concerning a crab. Oh oh. Just googled. A spaish dancer is a sea-slug
Waiting for life, waiting, waiting.over over over-dramatic and triply puzzling

The keepsake kept, is still as dull
as when it lay upon the Southport sands
Now it's worn around my neck.
A memory--BUGGER....what the hell is it?
Not your best, billy, but sometimes that doesn't matter. I am happy to say I can think of no way you could improve this one......so that's all right then.
Best,Smile
Tectak
Reply


Messages In This Thread
A Piece of Glass: - by billy - 05-11-2012, 05:16 PM
RE: A Piece of Glass: - by Indie - 05-11-2012, 05:51 PM
RE: A Piece of Glass: - by billy - 05-11-2012, 05:54 PM
RE: A Piece of Glass: - by tectak - 05-12-2012, 01:55 AM
RE: A Piece of Glass: - by billy - 05-12-2012, 05:45 AM
RE: A Piece of Glass: - by Philatone - 05-12-2012, 05:52 AM
RE: A Piece of Glass: - by billy - 05-12-2012, 05:57 AM
RE: A Piece of Glass: - by Philatone - 05-12-2012, 05:59 AM



Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)
Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!