Loss

[billy]

There is an infestation of cockroaches breeding in my mind
Gestating a new generation of insanity among the layers of hurt
And erratic emotions that come with the baby dreams
Of what was lost as it grew and was loved in the warmth of a womb
That is now a tomb, an unwanted bleeding monument
To the loss of life, of hope, of a chance at motherhood.

A rifle cocked, a trigger pulled, a rush of blood and agony
Where are the boys? Where are my boys? What went wrong?
When will we go hunting my love, when will we find an answer?
To justify death, the hollow void within me that could not carry on
And so extinguished the light, plunging my world, our world into darkness.

My heart is empty though it beats its rhythmic pulse at my wrists
That I know my soul won’t bleed out of should I take to the sharps
And chase my boys into the long cold sleep of forever
For I’d rather be there than here, alive, without them to love.

on one line you say 'my love' yet you lost more than one.
line 3 could be tightened up by removing the 'and'
the last line of the 2nd stanza feels too cliche.

other than that i think it's a strong piece. i asked myself were the sons soldiers of hunters and could only think them soldiers. because all of them were lost. i'm still at a loss as to why the capped 'and' but i've already mentioned that and i know it's the writers choice.

i read it three or four times and enjoyed more on each read.
nicely done.

thanks for the read.

ps. while at times it's very wordy, it's one of those cheeky buggers where wordy works.