yellowjackets

[Philatone]

dale-
firstly, thanks for the time and lengthy response. I intended "golden bands" as the stripes on their bodies, which too me is too literal to be a metaphor (I mean, wasps do actually have yellow-gold bands on their backs...). I guess I could write:

nets their carapace,
their golden bands soon flying...

or

nets their carapace
lined with gold, soon flying



or something to that extent. also, the "strand of rope" used for tying was also meant to be literal (though I'm always open to and considering metaphors in addition to the standard meaning); after all, it is a "strand" and not a full piece of rope. These things actually happen.


I guess right now, I'm not seeing this as a stretch in terms of what its reaching for; perhaps that is still my bias and I need more distance from piece. I only explained my intentions to see if you could help me to find a way to get my meaning across more clearly. Maybe adding another stanza to describe the tieing of the wasps more? Again, thanks for the feedback

Indie-
thanks for the time and thoughts! I'm glad the tightening could increase the impact

billy-
thanks once again for the repeated visits; hearing your thoughts is always helpful