Epilogue of Love

[billy]

V.2
There was something so vulnerable in the ending
Laying, curled around each other’s feet is 'Laying' needed?
Clutching at the memories of yesterday is 'the' needed?
Like we were the air we needed to breathe not a great simile
My face buried in the nook of your ankle
Inhaling the warm, familiar scent of you.

And in the silence of my arms wrapped
Around your feet, I was nothing more than a child
Trying to hold on to her favourite teddy bear
Frayed, and torn, and falling apart
Smelling of must and decay, with undertones
Of nicotine and whiskey. this works well. here the ands etc work well in extending the image

My eyes leaking starlight, glistening unseen
Against your skin, I kissed the memory of your ankle
Took a shaky breath, and let go.

all in all i think it was pretty brave to cut and delete as you did.
but in doing so you kept the intent of the poem. there's a sadness in the last stanza and a braveness. i still think the first 2 lines could be reversed to good effect. a good improvement.

thanks for the edit

billy