05-07-2012, 04:34 PM
Uncle could be clarified, alone is doesn't work that will within the story.
The use of "even" is used twice in the 3rd stanza. It does nothing for the flow, and as a reader (and maybe as a writer) it's what I noticed most about that verse. The even's stuck in my mind long after I'd read them, and not in a good way.
A little confused on the tense here. Is "the taxi, outside, waited for directions, to leave." a part of the recollection in verse one with the camera? The more I'm looking at the more confused I am at what you're trying to infer.
The use of "even" is used twice in the 3rd stanza. It does nothing for the flow, and as a reader (and maybe as a writer) it's what I noticed most about that verse. The even's stuck in my mind long after I'd read them, and not in a good way.
A little confused on the tense here. Is "the taxi, outside, waited for directions, to leave." a part of the recollection in verse one with the camera? The more I'm looking at the more confused I am at what you're trying to infer.
"Poets are shameless with their experiences: they exploit them." - Friedrich Nietzsche