Epilogue of Love

[billy]

There was something so vulnerable in the ending feels to long, it could work if you swapped this with the 2nd line and used that as an opener.
Laying, curled around each other’s feet
Like children hiding, afraid, in the dark a bit cliche
Unable to look at each other and yet
Unable to let go, holding on to one another
Like we were the air we needed to breathe
My face buried in the nook of your ankle
Inhaling the warm, familiar scent of you.
the two unable lines feel weak, they need a good image

I couldn’t bear to look at the exquisite sadness
In your eyes that always had my resolve
Coming undone, melting me down to my core
Where only you existed, my knees buckling under me
To fall at your feet, face upturned
To gaze at your magnitude with everything I possessed.

How could you not see the depth
In which I loved you?

And in the silence of my arms wrapped
Around your feet, I was nothing more than a child
Trying to hold on to her favourite teddy bear
Frayed, and torn, and falling apart
Smelling of must and decay, with undertones
Of nicotine and whiskey. My eyes leaking starlight
Glistening unseen in the darkness, I kissed the memory of your ankle
Took a shaky breath, and let go. a much stronger stanza with much stronger images.

© Indie Adams 2012

i enjoyed the need and the resolve within the poem, the conflict worked well. i do think the first stanza could of held more than a few images instead of being too tell parts of the 2nd felt a bit forced. though i suppose that could be a good thing in the context of this piece.
i think you have bigger than a kernel of decent poem here indie, a small edit would lift it more than a little

thanks for the read.