Epilogue of Love

[Philatone]

Hello Indie
some thoughts to ponder

There was something so vulnerable in the ending ...as an opening line, it does feel a little weak for me. Words like "something" and "vulnerable". Starting on the second line lends a bit more urgency to the piece, though it also chops the verb off of a longish sentence.
Laying, curled around each other’s feet
Like children hiding, afraid, in the dark
Unable to look at each other and yet
Unable to let go, holding on to one another...felt somewhat redundant
Like we were the air we needed to breathe...OK
My face buried in the nook of your ankle...I thought the scene was over after the simile
Inhaling the warm, familiar scent of you. ...though this line is strong

..I understand the sentiments, I think you conveyed those well. The stanza is longish in the sense that it lacks definitive breaks--if that is an issue for you with this piece, then breaking down some images and changing it from one sentence into a few is an option. It's somewhat ironic, what with the line about "air...needed to breathe", that there are no extended areas for breath. If that is not a concern, then fine as is.

I couldn’t bear to look at the exquisite sadness ...hmmm, not sure what this means. what does sadness look like in eyes? what is exquisite sadness?
In your eyes that always had my resolve
Coming undone, melting me down to my core...I wanted an explanation for this "resolve coming undone," but instead the line moves on to "melting me down to my core." So, I then arrive at the question "What is your core?" It strikes me as somewhat cliche'
Where only you existed, my knees buckling under me
To fall at your feet, face upturned
To gaze at your magnitude with everything I possessed.

... this stanza has a weaker foundation than the first. The images would benefit from sprucing up.

How could you not see the depth
In which I loved you? ..."In" felt like the wrong preposition to me

And in the silence of my arms wrapped ...opening with "And in" felt a little weak for the line. The "and" could probably be dropped
Around your feet, I was nothing more than a child ...the was a metaphoric "child-children" image earlier (S1)
Trying to hold on to her favourite teddy bear
Frayed, and torn, and falling apart...I like this image, I found it the strongest of the piece, and not just for content. Subverting the object of affection, making it appear beneath the admiration described earlier (yet also the attachment to such things), only makes it stronger--very nice selection
Smelling of must and decay, with undertones
Of nicotine and whiskey. My eyes leaking starlight
Glistening unseen in the darkness, I kissed the memory of your ankle
Took a shaky breath, and let go.

© Indie Adams 2012

hope some of these notes can be of use