Mother Dearest

[Indie]

Hello Indie! don't think I've had the pleasure of reading your work. With regards to my thoughts, see if there is anything worth taking

what the heart of my comments boils down to is the following: 1) there is a lot of material that could be trimmed if you desired and

2) there are plenty of opportunities to create fresh language, but I don't feel that you are taking advantage of them now. I feel like you are setting yourself up for powerful lines, but the end result left me a little frustrated.

perhaps I went too hard with the feedback, but it is because I see potential

Thank for Philatone, I didn't find your crit overly harsh. It's honest, and you raise many good points. I like this poem, and realise it's not as strong in its execution as it could be, although I don't want to meddle with too much with the concept. I also realise I've outdone myself with the cliche's which wasn't my intention, and I'm grateful to have that pointed out.