Godzilla vs. Little Boy revision 2

[Philatone]

hey todd!
it's been some time. some thoughts I hope can help. haven't had a chance to see other crits

Someone told someone a story ...I was at odds with this as an opening. I think the mention of "narrative" in "We reject this narrative" enhanced it
about the cloud that rose above the water,
the light that dimmed the sun,
and the awful quiet, settling
as a shroud of dark rain. ....I get the dramatic touches, and the images themselves I don't have a problem with. Yet I can't help feeling that something is missing. Perhaps the descriptions feel too cursory, jumping from cloud to light to quiet to rain. Losing an image or two may help my focus and ensure the scene is not diluted. In some ways, putting the last stanza up here and adjusting the verb tenses could work:

Someone told someone a story
about a cloud that rises above water
as cherry blossom
wither on the branch


I bring the last stanza up because, as is, it felt a little detached from what preceded it to me (though one could persuade me how it fits as is). Sorry if I'm playing around with what you have written too much, just something that came to me.

Survivors usually walk away,
only no one escaped...the first two lines of this stanza did not hit me as hard as the last two
the rationalization that if we kill
there will be peace.

The roof tiles spun like propellers ...like the allusion to planes
launched into the air
in impotent reprisal
as blackened bodies floated ...i understand the scene, but again I am left wanting more. Perhaps "bodies" was more direct than I wanted
down the river. Our throats
finally too parched to drink....almost feels added on, especially when made into it's own phrase

You would have us believe
that man did this to man
that truth can be distilled:
to a plane, a parachute,
and measured in seconds.
We reject this narrative....liked this stanza

We have the footprint,
the shrill metallic roar,
the truth of the breath....and this one as well. "We have the footprint" is wonderful

Gojira, Gojira, Gojira...again, I felt as though this could have been a close, though I see the desire to end on a haiku

The cherry blossom
withers on the branch
echo of voices

again, apologies if I overstepped my bounds in the critique. I think I like what I read, but I know I want to enjoy it more. Not very helpful in saying that; hopefully, an idea or two may resonate with you