Black Dog Days

[tectak]

hey tec!

Black dog lies beside my bed
and dreams his dreams inside my head...becomes clearer as the poem progresses. could use a period
In precious time when black dog sleeps,
I lie awake and thoughts just seep ....the "just" kills a lot of energy; tastes like filler
Into the black of black dog night ,...I don't think "Into" needs the cap
into the hopeless morning light,
into the next of ever days.

Black dog stalks me. Turn, he’ll follow! ...tripped up over the meter a bit
He shadows dawn, makes dark tomorrow. ...great contrast of shadow and light
Coming suns are burning fires,
in darkest nights are funeral pyres.... comparing nights to funerals is wonderful
In bright spring days a piercing beam,...again, I think the cap could be lost, as well as the period after "pyres," to keep this a flowing stanza
in summers warm a blinding gleam,
in to the next of ever days.

Black dog faithful by my side,
He walks in shade, a constant guide.
His will prevails, I bow to him;
I turn my way but he will win....this line and one above felt a bit repetitive to me
I turn again and strain the leash
and I am dragged away from peace, ...I wanted something a little more tangible than "peace," but that's my preference coming through again
into the next of ever days.

Black dog breathes and fills my air
with stench of fear and deep despair. ...similar issue to the "peace" from the stanza before. what is the "stench of fear and deep despair"? I'm imagining sweat and tears; something more concrete would have grabbed me
Black dog growls in dreams he owns,
I feel his teeth abrade my bones
I feel his eyes upon me fixed,
I feel his hot, abrasive licks
and I am him in ever days. ...nice momentum in the close, and throughout the piece really
Tectak June 2011

the repetitions work well and the flow is strong.
hope some of my notes may help

Thanks phil. The caps are errors. Probably typos but I will correct. The "just" is a failure of mine....I am a slave to meter......sometimes. I will have a look at it now.
As to the repetition and the "stench of fear", the recognised phenomena of fear being detectable in exudation or expiration or perspiration is unknown to me but well documented. Those suffering from Churchillian black dog days, and I know a few, do tend to repeat themselves in a beneath the breath cry for help, often just saying "oh god, oh god" even when they think themselves alone.
I wrestled with dragged from peace but was advised to leave it in by a very troubled lady who ran a group, in usa, helping victims of depression.....she pointed out that what most of her "victims (sic)" wanted was peace or, when black dog was beside them, release......but this is a poem and that was reality!
Thanks as always,
Tectak