04-30-2012, 12:09 PM
i agree that V2 is an improvement, that said it doesn't seem to have purpose. apart from telling how god sees all. and how humanity is apathetic to his sight. as a thought, if a poem doesn't work on many levels for most who read it, it needs working on. that the poet thinks it great or good or well crafted in such cases is only illusion.
strip it down and rebuild it a verse at a time, get a verse right before moving on to the next. of course this is only advice about the poem and it can be used or not as you see fit.
it is good to see you edit. be brave, ignore your feelings about the poem (and yes, i know that's very hard to do) and workshop the bugger to death.
thanks for the edit.
strip it down and rebuild it a verse at a time, get a verse right before moving on to the next. of course this is only advice about the poem and it can be used or not as you see fit.
it is good to see you edit. be brave, ignore your feelings about the poem (and yes, i know that's very hard to do) and workshop the bugger to death.
thanks for the edit.