A Fallen Nation

[addy]

Agree that you can still strive for brevity in this. Not that you should make your poem sparse (not at all!) .... but you can remove some filler bits of words that not only would not be missed, but would streamline your poem and make it sound more effective and sure. Here are just a few examples:

All the way down to its very core, it’s heartless and ice cold. You probably don't need "heartless" since ice-cold leaves enough for the reader to understand your meaning. Anyway, your subsequent lines already expound on the idea

Our desperate pleas that cry out in despair. Just a note, "desperate pleas" don't really cry out, so there's no more need to explain it as such

Our hearts only desire more and more. I think, just my opinion, that saying "more" once is sufficient. It lets the tension linger

Little things like that. Be confident! Don't over-rely on adjective overload, and give the imagery room to speak for itself. Thanks very much for the share