A Fallen Nation

[billy]

We're living in a world that’s lost its soul.
All the way down to its very core, it’s heartless and ice cold.
Our desperate pleas that cry out in despair.
Will be a wasted breath, because they cannot repair.
All these cracks that each generation has left behind.
Their mindless behavior could not be confined.
We can hope for peace.
We can fight for reformation.
Yet, all we get in return is a useless, fallen nation.
Even if we owned the whole world, never would we be truly satisfied.
Our hearts only desire more and more.
We are all consumed by the emptiness that fills us on the inside.
Oh what have we become, but a generation of heartlessness?
Oh what will we do, to restore this terrible mess?
Our hearts are made of stone.
Our souls are ice cold.
No longer can we see the path that will lead us all to the fold.

hi again

two points that may or may not be of use holly;
end rhymes: If you use a rhyme scheme, try to stick to it all the way through the poem. the order doesn't matter as much as the continuity.
unnecessary words, you have a some repetition and a lot of stuff that can be cut away;

We're living in a world that’s lost its soul.
down to its core, heartless and ice cold.

be really strict and miserly with the words you use, once you get the hang of it; then start be adventurous with excess. there's no right or wrong amount of words to use per say but till we get the hang of it we're always best to cut, cut, cut.

the subject matter is a common one, but it still has a way to go before it becomes old hat, the story can still be original and powerful.
the politician is mightier than the sword

thanks for the read

billy