unshared

[billy]

When years together seemed a promise made,
No more than that, though truthfully, well meant;
I went alone, you never knew, into a quiet darkened room
And cried with such an anguished mind,
For so much love welled up in me that I was taken by the swell.
The moment still is fresh today; but now by time and circumstance
I find you look the other way. A greater pain there cannot be,
Unless in your eyes I have changed, and greater your heart's angst than mine.
But still I will be loving you, the years are not a changeling's sword,
Nor passing time a slipping vow, nor echoes promises that fade.
Your old grey head, your weakened frame, your sleeping days in sun-bright rooms
Are wrapped in precious overlays of memories of all those days
When years together seemed a promise made. And I have kept my word.
Tectak
2012

first off, i found it to be sweet, interlaced with a genuine feel of love/devotion.
i'm on the fence as to the layout. it works really well, i just think it would work just as well with enjambment; which would make it less prose looking.
The moment still is fresh today;
but now by time and circumstance

it feels flowery but in a good way. it shows a soft side to the narrator.
normally i go with less is best, here i think the flowery works better than a deep cutting word, maybe a couple of word removed could improve it but i think that's a really small nit.
i don't think it a great poem by most means, but i'd read this poem before many of the great ones. it makes me feel human and good and kind, if only for a few seconds. in this respect it works as well as many great poems. i really enjoyed it.

thanks for the read.