Asylum

[billy]

He lets me

inside his skin.
And I wear him,
like a jacket
like a star seed
like a brine.

Seeking out darkness
we collide:
I push into tenderness,
slinky stiletto DNA,
hanging secrets from quarried bones
and knitting whispers
into awe.

Then he sheds,
and we begin again.

Hi Aish,

i have no nits with the 2nd stanza, my nit with 1st is that it feels cliche in places. i like the star seed line and it fits well with the 2nd stanza but i'm not sure it works that well. i think the 1st two similes could go without affecting the piece, and in going make the 1st line work better.

i like the sexy dna line very much. (reminds me of jessica rabbit)

the last stanza is i think the best part. works on a few layers. (as to what he sheds) over all i enjoyed the read. and see the need to feel secure in someone else.

thanks for the read.