04-19-2012, 01:09 PM
i'm biased towards grammatical sentences in poems; here, a number of verbs are missing written subjects. The ellipses didn't seem necessary. I believe I understood everything except for the bit about the dog.
my last nit is that the poem is heavy on description but a little weak on action, leading to some stanzas starting to feel more like fluff than actual content.
the idea is here, arguably the meat is as well, but it strikes me as being a little buried at the moment
my last nit is that the poem is heavy on description but a little weak on action, leading to some stanzas starting to feel more like fluff than actual content.
the idea is here, arguably the meat is as well, but it strikes me as being a little buried at the moment
Written only for you to consider.