04-19-2012, 11:57 AM
Right, so in this your imagery is all to do with the rituals that happen within a church, in a snippets and stream-of consciousness sort of way. A lot of potent lines here, but I do wonder if it would benefit from more structure rather than being too freestyle? Especially since it seems to be in "parts": (purity, clean, in vain)-- right now, though it is lovely and there are many fantastic snippets in there, it's jumbled in a way that doesn't allow the poem to build up to anything. That's just my perspective though. Thanks very much for the read.
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?