Scrabbled

[billy]

1st off, it doesn't read as being that contrived, and the rhyme scheme doesn't either.

Old words lie pegged on each bare page,
burnt black on blinding ground.is this line needed, it basically says the same as above, though here they're burnt and the same page is binding?
Fiducial marks on this parched plain i like the use of fiducial to denote the lines we write on. (an assumption)
lead not nor guide the leaking pen
that spills its juice, as do all men, a bit cliche but i like it.
when first the thirst of lust is slain.
Virginity, once lost, twice found,
Becomes just one more passant stage. how come a cap after a comma?

And so the pressured poet sits
Amused by moving themes.
Whilst critics huff and puff themselves
ballooned by egocentric air,
though bursting to be seen as fair,
the rancid bag in which he delves
delivers by his scrabbled dreams
no more than verse which fits.

Scream out, scream loud for freedom; curse
the muse who holds the reins.
The poem is never over 'till
the critics throw their hats to sky
and cheer your win as home you fly;
across that final welcome sill,
that perfect line to end the pain,
with one word left. At last ...a verse.
Tectak
2012



I figured I had been getting above myself of late but I can't help it. I JUST LIKE RHYME! To those who are offended by my dogma, I submit this as an example of contrived poetry. You should know it took eleven minutes of my life to write but boy did I enjoy it? Too right!

it's good that people enjoy writing poetry, i think this one bears you out but of course i have no proof
i think most would say it's better than average. that you say it's contrived takes something away from the read. though i suppose most art is contrived. knowing it or being told it makes it taste a little bitter, if that were one of your aims then you succeeded.

i like the egocentric line and the use of it on self, i guess most critics have a similar trait of feeling that they know everything, or do they? maybe not i read your post in the other thread and can understand how you thought you were getting above yourself . we all do it at one time or another. i'm still not sure if this is a mock or self flagellation but i enjoyed the read.

billy