04-16-2012, 02:00 PM
interpreted the poem another way; i can see how you're taking it with the last line now
in some ways, I felt the first two lines could be combined, perhaps making the "gore" a little less emphatic for me. It gives the entrance more time to meander into itself; for instance:
11:10 a.m., lying in bed and hungry,
just an idea; I think the lines set themselves up well for playing around with syntactically. still like what I read; it's one of those that is good to come back to and ponder every now and then. I think it's personable and relatable, which are great qualities
Quote:I'm hungry and lying in bed at 11:10am.
I think about how evenings gore my heart,
when I open the door and see hollow grays.
in some ways, I felt the first two lines could be combined, perhaps making the "gore" a little less emphatic for me. It gives the entrance more time to meander into itself; for instance:
11:10 a.m., lying in bed and hungry,
just an idea; I think the lines set themselves up well for playing around with syntactically. still like what I read; it's one of those that is good to come back to and ponder every now and then. I think it's personable and relatable, which are great qualities
Written only for you to consider.