(adult themes) If I

[tectak]

If I put a gun to my head and pullyou cannot just leave out a word because it does not permit a reasonable rhythm to exist. Rewrite for rewards
This room stays here, lit and playing music, no?Who the hell knows. Will we be enlightened?
This, miserable pile of detailcompletely illogical comma
A seclusion for people to drive pastnot know what meant

No, it doesn't exist so without observer
Alien landscape, whites and reds, who knows?
Depends on the comparison, e.g. heat vision.

I know anyway, If I pour my heart out
I want all of these objects, to control them
To play mother, father, sibling and child
Beauty killed, eventuallyI am lost. That may be your aim. Result then

"I don't know why, but I feel"
Problem of this century isn't it?A paradox springs to mind."You do not think, and yet you are"

All I know:
The next century will go on, small universes inter-operating
"I've lived too long." I cannot comment on this sentiment as there may be consequences. As Spike Milligan's tombstone reads "See...I told you I was ill"...but I hope not.

Previously covered by earlier crit. Usually I squirm at bad punctuation but give some leeway regarding content. This is not even terse-verse and is far from what it says on the tin. I cannot agree that this is "adult"; it is adolescent. I cannot agree that it is "dark"; it is barely dusk. I cannot agree that it is "suicide" as no one died (yet). So....as before, I would ask that you consider less pseudo-gothic subject matter and lighten up. The danger is, you may get to like it.
Best,
Tectak