Do you feel it?

[Philatone]

hey chaotic

Cut, do you feel it? ...like the comma right after "cut," reinforces the word
If another feels it ...maybe should be "felt," but I'm not sure how grammatical you want to be
How would you know?
Perhaps, an electric circuit
And there is no pain just, reaction... while the comma as is makes for a very interesting phrase ("there is no pain just"); I think you intended it to be after pain. "Reaction" felt a little weak for an ending for the stanza for me

Spoken the mind is happy....comma after "spoken"
Children with addictions of regular validation-
Quipped, reversed or just returned-
Adult children operating a service. ...I wanted a different word than "children" since it was already used
Competition-members, sifting for attackers
Shooting with ammunition leaked....got a little lost, especially the "ammunition leaked". I'm seeing this as people needing to be told they are doing something well, however the compliments are received, though they are becoming harder to encounter.

Spoken the mind is happy
To converse in such diverged tones each of us...what "diverged tones"? the different ways of expressing "validation" from the stanza above? additionally, the sentence feels incomplete; it needs a verb
The mind is alien natured to all conversation..."alien natured" is interesting
Blissfully unaware, each of us
And bound to value oneself, one's brain
A simple child with arising challenge.
...i wanted "arising challenge" to be a touch more concrete, or explained slightly more previously. Challenge to what? communicate?


(end)

Hmm just exploring putting my recent philosophy into writing here

Interested to hear if it flies with you.

i'm probably way off base with my thoughts, but I hope some of them can be of use. Initially, I saw the "cut" as more physical, but as the poem progresses it seems to have a much stronger emotional impact.