gestalts

[Philatone]

hello tec, nice to see a poem by you again!

some thoughts to consider

Damascus drifter into day, I saw a seering light: I may die....I wanted "drifter" to be a verb form
Shutdown. Monitor and consider. Not dead yet.

I dreampt of war and waterless days. My friends, my children, my wife. ...like the bridging of "war" and "waterless days". I get the use of "my friends, my children..." but in some ways, the impact was greater for me with just one. for instance, "I dreampt of war and waterless days. My wife.
Abandon thought. All is well. I look around. ...comparing this to the first stanza, thought about dropping the "I" in "I look around"

Damn this pain that never leaves. There will be no remission now.
Compare. I walk and talk unaided. Reconsider the threat. Normal.

Anger is becoming part of me. I lose the control which I once espoused.
Examine. The easy years have slipped away. Adapt and live constrained. ..I wanted to know a little more about these "easy years"

Sleeping is the nights's revenge against the raid of light. So I sleep my days away..... I like the idea, but something is getting me. unfortunately, I can't put words to it at the moment
Modify. What purpose now in wide-eyed wonder? What is left to see? Sleep on. ...the questions slowed the momentum that these kinds of lines gave to me earlier

Body imperfect strains to pace that part of me which youth recalls.
Restructure. Jettison all worthless hopes. Prepare for new age....hmm, a bit more abstract than I was hoping for

I am saddenened by the plight of others, crying tears of empathy.
Accept. Accept. Accept. Others will soon cry for me....like the connection between the speaker and others

My love. She will die in my mind like a flower, yesterday's beauty buried
In the shrivelled remains of tomorrow's memories. ...this reiterated my sentiments from the second stanza. the "flower" image feels a bit cliche

Rage.

Tectak
2012

hope these find you well and can be of use