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The Eternal Lie-In
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04-06-2012, 08:56 PM
The first stanza seems inspired, the second not so much. I could do without the sentence ending in the middle of the line. Could benefit from a little more rhythmic quality.
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't. |
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| Messages In This Thread |
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The Eternal Lie-In - by heslopian - 04-05-2012, 02:19 PM
RE: The Eternal Lie-In - by addy - 04-05-2012, 03:05 PM
RE: The Eternal Lie-In - by heslopian - 04-05-2012, 03:26 PM
RE: The Eternal Lie-In - by billy - 04-06-2012, 05:51 PM
RE: The Eternal Lie-In - by Erthona - 04-06-2012, 08:56 PM
RE: The Eternal Lie-In - by heslopian - 04-06-2012, 10:36 PM
RE: The Eternal Lie-In - by Philatone - 04-07-2012, 08:28 AM
RE: The Eternal Lie-In - by heslopian - 04-07-2012, 09:00 AM
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