04-06-2012, 06:03 AM
That was amazing. It is true that I am generally complimentary of people's work, but this is no empty praise. I usually tune out to anything that is this long (a flaw of mine), but in this case I had no idea where you were going and I was thrilled with the ride.
I know it is odd for me to critique one line out of this massive work, but here goes anyway.
This line works so well for me on many different levels, but I think it might be better as:
Anyway, thanks for sharing.
I know it is odd for me to critique one line out of this massive work, but here goes anyway.
Quote:The sexual nature of the lines sucked me like a hummingbird’s tongue sucks the
juice from deep inside flower petals.
This line works so well for me on many different levels, but I think it might be better as:
Quote:The sexual nature of the lines sucked me like a hummingbird’s tongue deep inside flower petals.
Anyway, thanks for sharing.