04-05-2012, 07:05 AM
(04-05-2012, 06:47 AM)Philatone Wrote: reading it yet again, I certainly see more prose roots. that being said, it only stood out most in that last stanza for me. perhaps the progression is too linear? or more pauses done by the speaker to reflect on a specific aspect? i'm not quite sure, and far from the best person to be giving advice, yet I do think those factors could help give you that 'poetic' aspect you appear to think you're missing. whatever you may decide, know that I approached this as a poem because that is what it is.**
your headmaster character is interesting; he seems like a nice man, though perhaps extravagant and drawn heavily to ideals. in some ways, the piece could be more compelling if we see at least some negatives from his decisions (e.g., focusing on a kid who couldn't make it home so easily or maybe had no one to turn to); everything feels too perfect for me. where is the conflict?
Praesopitus is Jesus.
The campus to be built is Heaven.
The poem(?) is based on the Book of Matthew.
The question of identity.