~Fallen~

[billy]

great to see your 1st poem

She’d had a rye life,
whisky eyes nice connection and a good opening
seen through ice cube charms,
propped up on a bar stool pedestal
accepting only liquid worship -is 'only' needed?

no chasers for her,

and I caught her eye
as she swept the bump ‘n’ grind persona
of Friday night whores,
draped Dali like across wide-boys arms.

Her half moon smile
tainted by nicotine clouds
as they fought to escape
the confines of an inhale,
and me the rabbit in headlights glare, cliche
tongue tied to this table,
nursing a misplaced conception.

She was slick as she oozed
through the waves of melded bodies,
caught in a chimera of sex and music;
a deep throb within.

Another notch to be nicked
in her playground stick,
a passing phase
in her latest craze,

she was warm in my lap
like a pile of bones before the pyre,
waiting .. just waiting,

and I found I could climb
the ladder of her spine, though her heart
had escaped that cage long ago,
all I could see was my dignity
lying discarded on an unmade bed, this is the best stanza, if it were all as good as this, it wouldn't need anything else.

and her proclaiming
“I used to be a lady.” good finish

my main suggestion are that there are too many cliché's in the piece.
don't get me wrong, i think it a good piece and has enough originality to carry it, that said i think an edit to swap out some of the cliche for something else could make this a poem that shines.