Nickname

[billy]

Got here too late so i'll just comment on this version.

V. 3 cut down on many of the images

nickname

As Buck drives us to practice,
my thoughts turn to the signature
bound to his license. bound feels 'mmmm' i'm not sure but i think a better word could used

On that piece of Pennsylvania
plastic, another identity curves the enjambment makes this line feel yoderish
in ink like a contract

left in a closed and buried this line makes me stop and i'm not sure why.
wallet. The first name
no longer captures

his six foot frame, the way and here
a flute flutters in his hand.
Saying it aloud

addresses no one in the car;
it only escapes
in the silence shared by driver,

unchained to the likeness
crammed in his pocket,
and passenger,

rubbing his arms
where bonds rattle,
surface, and sink.

it feels disjointed the lines feel as though they want to end some place other than they do.
i had to go back to the first 2 writes and for me, you took the edit too far and lost a lot of cohesion they had between them. it could be the fault of me the reader but i'm struggling to make this one flow,