~Fallen~

[Veronique]

[quote='Fug-azi' pid='93723' dateline='1333483346']
Appreciate the insight and most I'd agree with, the stanza you say about requiring a verb, it does have "nursing", "inhale", "tied" etc so I'm a bit confused by your response.

Agree with the dash, should be "half-moon"

Would adding "rib" to the stanza ie ;
and I found I could climb
the ladder of her spine, though her heart
had escaped that ribcage long ago,
all I could see was my dignity
lying discarded on an unmade bed,

Would be interested to hear more of your thoughts.

Cheers

Phil is correct-- no verb.

Her half moon smile
------ tainted by nicotine cloud
------ as they fought to escape
------ the confines of an inhale,
------ and me the rabbit in headlights glare,
------ tongue tied to this table,
nurs((ed)) a misplaced conception.

Now you have one, a periodic sentence.

Her half moon smile
------ tainted by nicotine cloud
verb cluster
------ as they fought to escape
'as' (while) a temporal conjunction
------ the confines of an inhale,
let me invent something-- ok, this makes 'as'
introductive (transitive to the question 'to
escape what? -- at the same time(temporal).
------ and me the rabbit in headlights glare,
parenthetical
------ tongue tied to this table,
absolute cluster within the parenthetical
***
nursed a misplaced conception.
**********
Loved the poem.
V