~Fallen~

[Philatone]

hey there!
wanted to share some things I noticed; the comments are due to personal preference, so do take everything with a grain of salt

She’d had a rye life,...part of me wondered if this was necessary; it's not elaborated on and really only serves to set an introduction. plus, I think that the last line of the poem becomes stronger without this
whisky eyes
seen through ice cube charms,
propped up on a bar stool pedestal
accepting only liquid worship -

no chasers for her,

and I caught her eye
as she swept the bump ‘n’ grind persona
of Friday night whores,
draped Dali like across wide-boys arms. ..to this point, the flow feels pretty good. it does have a lot more description going on than action

Her half moon smile ...wasn't entirely sure if "half" was describing "moon" or "smile"; a dash might be helpful if the former
tainted by nicotine clouds
as they fought to escape
the confines of an inhale,
and me the rabbit in headlights glare,
tongue tied to this table,
nursing a misplaced conception. ...get the images just fine. the stanza could use a verb, otherwise it's a long clause

She was slick as she oozed
through the waves of melded bodies, ...like the "melting" imagery, with ooze, slick, and waves
caught in a chimera of sex and music;
a deep throb within....felt a bit extra to me

Another notch to be nicked
in her playground stick,
a passing phase
in her latest craze,

she was warm in my lap
like a pile of bones before the pyre,
waiting .. just waiting,..."waiting" already gives enough of its sense for me that personally I didn't need a repetition. "just waiting" alone on the line would have worked just as well, if not more, for me

and I found I could climb
the ladder of her spine, though her heart
had escaped that cage long ago,...usually with "cage," "ribs" would stand out as the expected body part, not spine. I had some trouble imagining the "spine" making a cage.
all I could see was my dignity
lying discarded on an unmade bed,

and her proclaiming
“I used to be a lady.” ...solid close

hope some of this is helpful!