To Byron

[Philatone]

hello leanne. I hope this finds you well. some thoughts

You need not ponder changes wrought by age,
my vain and venal baron, for the truth...like the shift from /a/ sounds to /r/s
of you is held on time’s ungreying page..mixed feelings on "ungreying," though I am easily persuaded.
and you will dwell eternally in youth.
However deep depravity might sink,
such wings as you were given shall not fail, ...inversion/ wording is appropriate for the tone. like the contrast brought on by sink and wings
though courses may not pass as you would think –...almost wanted something more specific than "courses", or something to play on "wings" more
you soar, while pious saints grow old and stale....again, building on the contrasts. debated on the caesura, i'm not convinced it's needed, unless you truly think it heightens the division between your object and the saints
Humanity has flaws; the fiery eye
burns deep within, a passion seeking form;
its beauty is the lightning gone awry,...conveys a lack of control
yet only fools and poets ride the storm.....redundant, but I'll let that pass
To capture others’ hearts you broke your own
now through their unmourned dust you rise alone.
...strong couplet to finish. a part of me the two lines to have a slightly stronger connection to the "fools and poets" line, just to have a tiny tiny tiny bit more cohesion (the "hearts" bit caught me off-guard--I suppose "passion" hints at it, though in a sense that it's not being used for), but that's probably just my personal preference working on. thought it was a great work and read; I hope some of this can be useful