World War Two Rooming House

[Philatone]

hello roy

I have a few main comments, some of which I hope you can entertain at least a little.

The poem did not start for me until the 3rd stanza. Beforehand, the piece is heavy on description and rather nill on action. Perhaps that captures the lazy, mild atmosphere I get from the piece, but honestly when I removed them the poem only felt enhanced. That being said

I felt some of the content was stated more directly than I like. For instance:

"most are all loved-out,
given to a kind of malaise
that occupies the minds of old"

and

"The cadence of life here at Alma's
so carefully controlled, so happily mild,"


I didn't want to be directed like so. just some things to ponder, I think the piece has potential