Summer's Day

[Bronte]

A lot to like in this, with thought new line breaks can make it stronger I have bolded a few words for your consideration.. the tense of it seemed off in places. edit done and shown below, see example .
would I have liked to have written this one? yes -

If I talk to you of dark nights,
swollen clouds and frozen moons,

you would not believe the truth of pain
is light and heat. An immortal summer's day
shines on every part of me, nourishing the bleakest tree,
teasing new leaves from old wombs.
Love cannot survive the sun,
but yearns for the quietus of a slim, contented soul.
And when denied this simple want its wayward child Hate
exposes every wound, seeking faith in destruction.
This is the truth of my pain, at least.
A polite nastiness not uncommon to the British
peppers the broth of my soul.
I want to resurrect our wretched Empire,
sell slaves to America, tear husband from wife,
gnarled hand from gnarled hand. Abolish the gestures of care.
If manhood is defined by hate and ignorance
I'll be John fucking Wayne,
pressing the dagger into Juliet's hand.
My immortal summer's day will know no frozen moons.

You will not believe the truth of pain is light
and heat, this immortal summer day
shines on every part of me, nourishing;
the bleakest tree spearing new leaves from old
wounds. Love cannot survive the sun
but yearns for the quietus of a slim contented soul.
And when denied this simple want
its wayward child Hate exposes every lesion
seeking faith in destruction. This is the truth of my pain
a polite nastiness not uncommon to the British
peppers the broth in my soul. I want to resurrect
our wretched Empire and sell slaves to America
tear husband from wife, gnarled hand from gnarled hand.
Abolish all gestures;
if manhood is defined by hate and ignorance
I'll be John fucking Wayne pressing the dagger
into Juliet's hand, my immortal summer's day
will know no frozen moons.